The Beginner’s Guide to Disclosing Your Abuse
Being a survivor is already a scary thing but when you think about disclosing your abuse to a loved one it can be ultimately cringeworthy. It is understandable that most people want to keep their abuse a secret. Perhaps you feel a ton of guilt and shame around your abuse. Maybe you were told to keep it a secret or that no one will believe you anyway. Whatever the reason that holds you back from talking about it, please know that I understand because I have been there too.
I was always really embarrassed that my dad sexually abused me. I thought people would think I came from a messed-up family. I thought I would be judged. And I thought no one would believe me. I chose to keep everything inside and never told a soul, other than some previous boyfriends. After years of counseling, I came to the realization that my abuse was NOT my fault. I was 7 years old. I was a little girl who didn’t even know what the word “sex” meant. Completely innocent and my father robbed that from me.
I changed the way I thought about my abuse and I came to terms with a new narrative. That guilt that I held around with me for most of my life was my father’s guilt to hold, not mine. I did nothing wrong. I didn’t ask for any of that to happen to me. Once I framed this new narrative in my mind, I then got a message from God that I need to speak about it. It was probably one of the scariest moments of my life to tell the world, publicly, about my childhood sexual abuse.
I have a lot of family and friends on my social media pages and I thought they would all disown me for spilling the family secrets. But I was willing to take that risk. God gave me the strength and courage to come out and speak about what happened to me. It felt 100% freeing. I felt like a ton of bricks were off of my shoulders and now I speak about my abuse almost everyday. I know in my heart, speaking about it helps other people who may be feeling hopeless or like no one understands them.
If you are thinking about disclosing abuse to someone please beware of the following:
Make sure they are a safe person to disclose to. Unsafe people will use your own abuse against you. Be sure whoever you tell is a safe person that has your best interest at heart.
You may not get the reaction you expect. Beware that you may be expecting sympathy and love from whoever you are telling and you may not get it. I know a lot of ladies who disclosed abuse to social media and it backfired immensely. Please think twice before disclosing on social media. Be prepared that you may not get the support you need because the people you are disclosing to are not survivors, so they do not know how to properly react.
Do it for your own healing. Unfortunately, we live in a victim-blaming society. If you choose to disclose, do it for you and do it with no expectations. Remember, no one can ever take your truth from you.
If you want to share your story but don’t know where to do it, please know that &Rise allows you the opportunity to share your story via our newsletter. You’ll be sharing your story with hundreds of survivors who may need your courage to encourage them to speak out too. Lastly, please remember that the only person who benefits from your silence is your abuser.
Speak out. The truth shall set you free.
