How to Combat Guilt After Trauma and Abuse
Guilt has been something I have personally struggled with for as long as I can remember. I have worked for years to help get rid of constant guilt. I am in a much better place now, but there is still work to be done. I believe that my guilt stemmed as a child. I grew up in a religious household so guilt was constantly instilled in us or we would be punished by God.
Then, my sexual abuse happened and I was taught to keep it a secret. Secrets=lies, because you are not being honest. So I believe that much of my guilt stems from that alone but comes from multiple other sources as well. I didn’t realize how big of a problem my guilt was until I became a business owner. I would have a lot of trouble on sale calls with potential customers, because I always felt an immense sense of guilt for selling them something. I felt like I was annoying or burdening them.
This is when I realized that I had to dive deeper into my guilt and try to overcome it. One of the bigger things I had to come to terms with is, is my guilt valid. Is selling someone a coaching program a reason to feel guilty? My answer is no. Why? Because my intentions are to truly help people and help them heal after trauma and abuse. I want people to wake up feeling amazing every day and leave all that ickiness behind them. And that comes from a place of good, not bad. So I had to constantly remind myself of that.
Now, if I was telling people to take out a loan or charge it to their credit card and rack up debt to work with me, then I would say that would be coming from a bad place. Even though I was taught this method, I never went forward with it because I was in really bad credit card debt when I was younger. I would never want to put someone in that situation. Even more reason, I should not feel guilty that my heart and intentions are in the right place.
The definition of guilt is the fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime. So please remember that if you aren’t committing a crime or offense of some kind, you should try to combat the guilt with your current reality. I know this is easier said than done, but practice makes perfect. Just like we can be stuck in the guilt cycle in our minds, we can also reprogram our brains to combat the guilt with the reality of what is really happening. Am I hurting anyone in the process intentionally? A side note, setting boundaries can hurt others. But this is for you and your mental health and well-being. It can make you feel guilty, but always remember you have boundaries to keep you safe. So if you’re hurting someone by setting boundaries, it is not your job to control their reactions, that is their job.
Sometimes guilt is about the past. What we did or did not do. How we reacted. How we handled a situation or person, etc. But as you know, the past is the past. There is nothing we can do to change it. But we can change how we see and do things going forward. For me, going deep to where the guilt started was a big “Aha”,’ moment. So I encourage you to dig deep to see where yours stems from. Because when feelings of guilt arise, you can combat them with who you are now and make better choices for yourself today. As trauma survivors, we have to also remember to be kind to ourselves. Give ourselves a lot of grace as we work through things. So no matter what happened or what you did, that was another version of yourself. You are better now and you owe it to yourself to constantly remind yourself of that. What does your guilt look like? Take time to reflect on it. Then determine, is this my guilt to hold? Or for someone else to?
